News to Me

Although I haven't lived in Greensburg, PA for more than a month, since May of 2006, I still get great pleasure from reading the Westmoreland County section of the Pittsburgh Tribune Review. I think I go to it more for entertainment then necessarily the news.

Here are a few classics in no particular order:

• Hunker man gets probation for mailing cow head-- This story is just gold. For crying out loud this man was only trying to send his wife's new boyfriend a friendly gift. It almost make it acceptable or in the very least understandable that the man is from a town named Hunker.


• Defendant says second-hand ring sparked assault -- "Slaby woke up in O'Toole's bed after a nap with his penis glued to his stomach, his testicles glued to his leg and his rectum glued shut." I mean you can't even make that stuff up. How deep does this guy sleep?


• Reed cited by police for Sheetz tirade--This story happened a few weeks ago when Steelers kicker Jeff "Skippy" Reed ( soon to be on VH1's Celebrity Tool Academy) was arrested in a Sheetz for disorderly conduct. Hey, I guess we can at least be happy that he washes his hands after using the restroom?

Recently a friend of mine who also lives with me in Hoboken introduced me to my new favorite section, "Police & Courts" where you can find all of the judges decision for the week. It quite a fantastic way to get an update on what stupidity your old high school classmates have been sniffing, stealing, or beating.

Since reading this section, two things have really stood out to me. The first is how it blows me away how many DUIs there are in a week. Reading this makes me really glad I live in a city with a good public transportation system or a taxi serice. Don't get me wrong I am in no way justifying drinking and driving but what options are you giving your citizens ? It makes no sense that a town the size of Greensburg does not have a taxi service. Would this service not provide some much needed jobs to the area and you can even tax the riders to make extra income for the city?

The second thing is the sentencing of criminals for drug use or drug possession. For example, pleading "guilty to smell/inhale toxic releasing substances and possession of a solvent for release of toxic vapors/fumes" will land you 6 months to 2 years in jail for the first offense. I dont feel like sending them to jail or as they like to call them these days "correctional" facilities, helps them. Dont get me wrong, I am not saying they should be let go scott-free but why do we not sentence them to 6 months to 2 years in a rehabilitation facility and get them actual help? To me prisons should be for violent criminals such as murders and child-molesters, and to criminals who are harmful to society like drug dealers, child-sex offenders and white collar criminals. I understand the connection between drug use and how it can lead to other petty crimes, but so does someone who is addicted to alcohol. Are we not putting these users in a society with violent criminals who are professionals of crime instead of professionals of recovery, the supposed purpose of prison? Moral of the story, if your going to be addicted to something make sure its something that not "harmful to society" like alcohol, food or tobacco.